Take your SUV and shove it!

So here's a story of man vs. man, ego vs. ego, and idiot vs. enviornmentalist. I was out with some friends on Saturday last. We were going to go on a bike ride with an organization that promotes bike riding in Manhattan and New York. Before the tour de Uptown Manhattan we met for Brunch near Columbia University. As we were locking up our bikes this SUV, a Toyota, I think pulls into a parking spot on the street. Now, these parking spots are pretty big if you go off how far the meters are spaced apart. But this spot was extra large considering the car behind the SUV was pulled far back and the car in front was pulled far forward. So this SUV had plenty of room, well, fine.

So two seconds later this other SUV comes down the road and sees all this extra space between the Toyota and the car in front of it. This wasn't some Ford of Chevy though, this was the most over sized, gas sucking, CO2 polluting machine man ever made, a hummer. On top of that it was a bright shitty yellow colour. So this woman, the yuppie that she looked like, spent ten minutes backing and forwarding this thing in. Well my friend had a shirt on with a picture of a Hummer except underneath it said Dummer. We looked in disgust as this SUV practically plowed its way into this illegal parking space. We went to eat.

On the way out things got a little more intense. It would seem that her husband had been standing on the sidewalk this whole time taking in our disgust, our looks, and my friend's exposure of his shirt. He confronted my friend saying "Oh, here's the funny guy," over and over again in that "I'm a bad ass New Yorker" voice. He continued on with such phrases as "this is my neighborhood" and "and your shirt and attitude is offensive" to which my friend replied "your car is offensive." The guy wouldn't give up as he kept trying to be a big shot with his "some guys get their ass kicked for doing things like this" attitude. Somehow the guy even managed to work in comparisons of the incident to racial slurs and the like. He must really be digging. Well, my friend kept his cool just fine and we rode off and left the asshole and his more rational wife, who kept telling him not to get into it, behind.

Now, this is America, and you have the right to blow your money on all the stupid shit you want. Well, that's the attitude we have right. This guy obviously had enough money to blow on a big expensive car to make up for the small size of his penis, and dammit, he was loud and proud about it. But is there a point where too much is just too fucking much? This brand new car, which surprised me on the basis of who would buy something like this these days with gas prices the way they are, is quite frankly stupid. In my opinion it is hard enough to justify having such a car if you live in the country. But this is fucking Manhattan and according to his ranting he lived in the neighborhood. At first we might of thought he at lived in Jersey or Long Island, but no, he lived right here in Manhattan with a car the size of my bedroom. Why? I mean, this car will never see Montana mountains, quicksand in the desert, or swamps in Florida, it will drive our overcrowded narrow streets in New York. You think this guy will take this thing off roading. No, a scratch on that 90,000 price tag by a tree would just ruin it now wouldn't it.

The excuse that in America you have the right to just do as you please is bullshit. With freedom comes responsibility, but unfortunately with Capitalism, responsiblity is not part of the equation. Just because you can buy something doesn't mean you need to strees our city our anymore. The guy fucked himself over by having to fill up a tank every 100 miles with a 100 bucks in gas, but his reward is a big ego and less focus of his small dick and idiot personality. The people of New York are this big losers though. They get a big car to crowd their streets, something hard to see around, something that takes up more space then need be on the street, and most importantly, the pedestrians of New York get to breathe a shit load of pollution that this thing is pumping out. With paved roads abound in this country it takes some tough convincing for anyone to justify an SUV even if you live in the country. But there is no way to convince anyone that you need this thing in New York. So to Mr. Small Dick, your big ego will be riding so high in your big car you'll probably run someone over, or kill someone in an accident when you are playing with your CD changer and GPS and hit someone in a more economical car. If you are lucky at never run into something, well at least you can sit back and know three more kids got some lung disease. For someone who was big for standing up to defend his neighborhood you just cause your neighborhood more breathing problems and traffic congestion. You're the big guy now.